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〃Not without you；〃 she said。 〃Louis； I want us 。 。 。 I need us to stick together。〃
〃I'll follow you in three days…four at the most。〃 If things went well； Rachel and Ellie might be back here in forty…eight hours。 〃I've got to find someone to fill in for me； on a part…time basis； at least； at the university。 I've got sick time and vacation time ing； but I don't want to leave Surrendra on the hot seat。 Jud can watch the house while we're gone； but I'll want to cut off the electricity and store what we've got in the Dandridges' deep freeze；〃
〃Effie's school。 。 。〃
〃The hell with it。 It's out in three weeks； anyway。 They'll understand； the circumstances being what they are。 They'll arrange an early dismissal。 It'll all work just…〃
〃Louis？〃
He broke off。 〃What？〃
〃What are you hiding？〃
〃Hiding？〃 He looked at her openly； clearly。 〃I don't know what you're talking about。〃
〃Don't you？〃
〃No。 I don't。〃
〃Never mind。 I'll call them right now。 。 。 if that's what you really want。〃
〃It is；〃 he said； and the words seemed to echo in his mind with an iron clang。
〃It might even be best。 。 for Ellie。〃 She looked at him with her red…rimmed eyes； still slightly glazed from Valium。 〃You look feverish； Louis。 As if you might be ing down with something。〃
She went to the telephone and called the motel where her parents were staying before Louis could reply。
The Goldmans were overjoyed at Rachel's proposal。 They were not so wild about the idea of Louis joining them in three or four days； but in the end they wouldn't have to worry about it all； of course。 Louis had not the slightest intention of going to Chicago。 He had suspected that if there was to be a snag； it would be getting air reservations this late。 But luck was with him there too。 There were still available seats on Delta's Bangor to Cincinnati run； and a quick check showed two cancellations on a Cincinnati to Chicago flight。 It meant that Rachel and Ellie would be able to travel with the Goldmans only as far as Cincinnati； but they would get to Chicago less than an hour after。
It's almost like magic； Louis thought； hanging up the telephone； and Jud's voice responded promptly； It's been full of power before； and I'm ascared。
Oh； get fucked； he told Jud's voice rudely。 I've learned to accept a great many strange things in the last ten months； my good old friend。 But am I ready to believe that a haunted patch of ground can influence airline ticketing？ I don't think so。
〃I'll have to pack；〃 Rachel said。 She was looking at the flight information Louis had jotted down on the pad by the phone。
〃Take just the one big suitcase；〃 Louis said。
She looked at； him wide…eyed； mildly startled。 〃For both of us？ Louis； you're joking。〃
〃All right； take a couple of tote bags too。 But don't exhaust yourself packing a different outfit for the next three weeks；〃 he said； thinking； Especially since you may be back in Ludlow very soon。 〃Take enough for a week； ten days。 You've got the checkbook and the credit cards。 Buy what you need。〃
〃But we can't afford…〃 she began doubtfully。 She seemed doubtful about everything now； malleable； easily confused。 He remembered her odd； dangling ment about the Winnebago he had once spoken idly about buying。
〃We have the money；〃 he said。
〃Well 。 。 。 I suppose we could use Gage's college fund if we needed to； although it would take a day or two to process the savings account and a week to get the treasury bills cashed…〃
Her face began to crumple and dissolve again。 Louis held her。 She's right。 It just keeps right on hitting you； it never lets up。 〃Rachel； don't；〃 he said。 〃Don't cry。〃
But of course she did…she had to。
While she was upstairs packing； the phone rang。 Louis sprang for it； thinking it would be someone from Delta ticketing； saying a mistake had been made； no flights were available。 I should have known everything was going too smoothly。
But it wasn't Delta ticketing。 It was Irwin Goldman。
〃I'll get Rachel；〃 Louis said。
〃No。〃 For a moment there was nothing else； only silence。 He's probably sitting there and trying to decide which name to call you first。
When Goldman spoke again； his voice was strained。 He seemed to be pushing the words out against some great inner resistance。 〃It's you I want to talk to。 Dory wanted me to call and apologize for my。 。 。 for my behavior。 I guess。 。 。 Louis； I guess I wanted to apologize too。〃
Why； Irwin！ How big of you！ My God； I think I just wet my pants！
〃You don't need to apologize；〃 Louis said。 His voice was dry and mechanical。
〃What I did was inexcusable；〃 Goldman said。 Now he did not just seem to be pushing the words out； he seemed to be coughing them out。 〃You suggesting that Rachel and Eileen e out has made me see what a big man you have been about this。 。 。 and how small I have been。〃
There was something very familiar in this rap； something eerily familiar。 Then he got it； and his mouth suddenly pulled together in a tight pucker； as if he had bitten straight through a plump yellow lemon。 Rachel's way…she was pletely unaware of it； Louis was sure…of saying contritely； Louis； I'm sorry I was such a bitch； after her bitchiness had gotten her her own way about something she really wanted。 Here was that voice…robbed of Rachel's liveliness and merriness； true…but that same voice saying； I'm sorry 1 was such a bastard； Louis。
The old man was getting his daughter and granddaughter back； they were running home from Maine to Daddy。 Courtesy of Delta and United； they were ing back to where they belonged； back to where Irwin Goldman wanted them。 Now he could afford to be magnanimous。 As far as old Irwin knew； he had won。 So let's just forget that I took a swing at you over your dead son's body； Louis； or that I kicked you when you were down； or that I knocked his coffin off its bier and snapped the latch so you could see…or think you saw…that one last flash of your child's hand。 Let's forget all of that。 Let bygones be bygones。
Terrible as it may be； Irwin； you old prick； I'd wish for you to drop dead right this second； if it wouldn't screw up my plans。
〃That's all right； Mr。 Goldman；〃 he said evenly。 〃It was 。 well。 。 。 an emotional day for all of us。〃
〃It was not all right；〃 he persisted； and Louis realized… although he did not want to…that Goldman was not just being political； was not just saying that he was sorry he had been such a bastard now that he was getting his own way。 The man was nearly weeping； and he was speaking with a slow and trembling urgency。 〃It was a terrible day for all of us。 Thanks to me。
Thanks to a stupid； bullheaded old man。 I hurt my daughter when she needed my help 。 。 。 I hurt you； and maybe you needed my help too； Louis。 That you do this。 。 。 behave this way after I behaved that way。 。 。 it makes me feel like garbage。 And I think that is just the way I should feel。〃
Oh let him stop this； let him stop before 1 start to scream at him and blow the whole deal。
〃Rachel's probably told you； Louis； we had another daughter…〃
〃Zelda；〃 Louis said。 〃Yes； she told me about Zelda。〃
〃It was difficult；〃 Goldman said in that trembling voice。 〃Difficult for all of us。 Most difficult for Rachel； perhaps…Rachel was there when Zelda died…but difficult for Dory and me too。 Dory almost had a breakdown…〃
What do you think Rachel had？ Louis wanted to shout。 Do you think a kid can't have a nervous breakdown？ Twenty years later she's still jumping at death's shadow。 And now this happens。 This miserable； awful thing。 It's a minor miracle that she isn't in the fucking hospital； being fed through an I。V。 tube。 So don't talk to me about how difficult it was for you and your wife； you bastard。
〃Ever since Zelda died； we have。 。 。 I suppose we have clung to Rachel。 。 。 always wanting to protect her。 。 。 and to make it up to her。 Make up for the problems she had with her 。 。 。 her back。 。 。 for years afterward。 Make up for not being there。〃
Yes； the old man was really crying。 Why did he have to be crying？ It made it harder for Louis to hold on to his clean； pure hate。 More difficult； but not impossible。 He deliberately called up t