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With Saigo's return； Nicholas had expected Cheong to return home。 Such was not the case。 She continued to stay with Itami for more than a week。 She might have； perhaps； stayed indefinitely had not Itami insisted she leave。
The tragedy had aged his mother； Nicholas saw； as much as or even more than it had his aunt。 She rarely smiled and she seemed distant as if holding herself together by a supreme act of will。
Further； and； to Nicholas； quite inexplicably； something had changed in her relationship with the Colonel。 For as long as Nicholas could remember this had been an unwavering bulwark in his life； the backbone he could always count on。 True； the shift was subtle and； perhaps； an outsider might not have picked it up； but it was there nonetheless and it frightened him。 It was almost as if she blamed the Colonel for the tragedy。 He had saved Satsugai's life once； wasn't that enough？ Nicholas asked himself。 He felt she was being unreasonable and； for the first time in his life； he felt himself being pulled by the increasing polarization of his parents。
Itami came almost every day for lunch。 On several occasions she brought Saigo along when he was in town。 Nicholas missed these meetings； being either at the ryu； talking with Kansatsu； or at classes at Todai； Tokyo University； but Cheong spoke to him about them when he returned home in the evenings。
The Colonel had taken a week off from work； though he had not taken a vacation in almost a year and a half。 He said he was ill and； for the first time since Cheong had known him； he went to a physician。 He seemed pale and drawn but she was relieved to find that there was nothing physically amiss。
For his part； Nicholas became engulfed in college life。 It was a strange business； Todai； but he soon got the hang of it。 Once he had passed the enormously difficult entrance exams； he found that he had bee a member of the famed Gakubatsu； the university clique。 He found that Todai was one of the world's most exclusive clubs； grooming its graduates for top…line executive positions in government。 Had not five of the post…war prime ministers e from Todai？
This period of intense self…involvement took Nicholas away from his family and it wasn't until weeks later that he recognized something was amiss。 The Colonel had extended his leave of absence。 He would rise early in the morning； as was his habit； and wander around the house touching objects as if for the first time。 Often he got underfoot and the servants； quite good…naturedly； would steer him into another room or； increasingly … as he had a tendency to wander aimlessly back … outdoors。 Then he would spend long hours sitting by the side of the Zen garden as if studying the swirling lines of the gravel。 For a man who had been both strong and extremely active all his life； this behavior was most out of character。
Itami； when she visited； seemed totally attached to Cheong。 Increasingly now； she spent the week…ends； often taking long walks with Cheong through the cryptomeria and pine wood to the Shinto temple where she had taken Nicholas that afternoon so long ago。 Perhaps they even passed through the spot where he and Yukio had rolled over one another as they had made love。 Of what things Cheong and Itami spoke at those times Nicholas had no idea。
One day he came home from his studies earlier than usual and found the Colonel still outside。 He was huddled inside his old English great coat。 It seemed far too big for him now。
Nicholas skirted the house； went to sit beside him。 He was appalled to see the sharp bones standing out along the ridges of the Colonel's cheeks。
'How are you？' he said。 His breath frosted in a miniature cloud in front of him。
…^Pine；' the Colonel said。 'I am just … tired。' He smiled wistfully。 'Just tired； that's all。' His thin hands fluttered like birds。 The backs were dark with liver spots。 They settled restlessly on his thighs。 'Don't worry about me。 You know； I am thinking of taking your mother away somewhere for a rest。 She's still not got over this thing。 She needs to get away from here for a while。 Forget all about grief。 Your aunt hangs on to her now as if she were her only lifeline。 It isn't fair。〃
'It'll be all right； Dad。'
The Colonel sighed。 'I don't know about that。 The world is changing。 It's bee too plex。 I'll never understand it。 Perhaps you will。 I hope so。' He rubbed his palms up and down his thighs as if they ached。 'Nothing's the way it once was。' He looked away； into the sky。 The last of the geese were moving south in giant vees； two fingers lifted triumphantly： the victory sign。 'I had such dreams when I came here。 There was so much I could have done。'
'And you have。 You've acplished so much。'
'Like ashes；' the Colonel said。 'I feel as if I've done nothing； merely slid with the tide； taken by forces I knew nothing of。' He shook his head。 'I cannot escape the feelings that perhaps I didn't try hard enough。'
'How can you say that？ You gave them everything。 Everything。'
'I thought it was the right thing to do。 Did I do wrong？ I can't say now。 I'm pulled in two directions。 I wish I had given them more； gone to Washington； pleaded our case there。 I wish I had given them less； spent more time with you and your mother。'
Nicholas put his arm around the Colonel's shoulders。 How thin they had bee。 Where had all the hard muscle gone？ Not even to fat。 It had just disappeared。
'It's all right； Dad。' Such an inane phrase； connoting nothing。 He seemed tongue…tied。 'It's all right'
What was it he really wanted to say？
But something irrevocable had taken place in the Colonel's life and it wasn't all right。
Despite repeated trips to the physician； despite a prescription of potent pills； eating and； finally； injections； he continued to lose weight until there was nothing more anyone could do to sustain him。 Ten days after his talk with Nicholas in the Zen garden； he died in his sleep。
The funeral was immense。 Most of the arrangements were taken care of by the American military in Tokyo。 Mourners came from all over the Pacific and President Johnson sent a personal envoy from Washington。 Nicholas thought this man's presence highly ironic； given what he knew of his father's failed ambitions。 The Americans had been unwilling to listen to him in life but were anxious to extol him in death。 He could not help but resent the man； despite his charm and extreme courtesy； seeing in him not a little of Mark Anthony。
The Japanese government； as was its wont； was somewhat more honest。 The Prime Minister himself attended； as did many members of the Diet。 The Japanese would not forget the Colonel's awesome contributions to their country and they paid their debt … some time later； after a decent interval； Nicholas was approached for training for a high…level governmental post。 He politely declined； pleased none the less。
As requested in the Colonel's will； the American Army rabbi conducted the ceremony； which no doubt nonplussed many of the attendance； especially those who had believed they knew the Colonel well。 The rabbi had known the Colonel for a long time and when he spoke the eulogy it was with enormous conviction。 It was； in retrospect； quite a beautiful ceremony。
'The Tenshin Shoden Katori ryu is the only answer now。'
'I believe that is so。 Yes。'
'I want to leave and I do not want to leave。'
'I understand this fully； Nicholas。'
Kansatsu's cat's eyes were bright and alive。
He and Nicholas knelt facing each other。 Around them was the gleaming empty expanse of the dojd； a deserted beach in the sunlight。
'What will happen to me … there？'
'I am afraid that I cannot tell you。 I do not know。'
'Will I be safe？'
'Only you can answer that。 But the strength to be so is within you。'
'I am glad you came to the funeral。' …'Your father was a fine man； Nicholas。 I knew him well。'
'I did not know。〃
'No。'
'Well。。。'
'I have prepared your letters of introduction。 These include your graduation certificates … with highest honours … from this ryu。' His eyes； focused on Nicholas's face； were unwavering； bits of flashing jet。 He withdrew from his wide sleeve three tightly rolled sheets of mulberry paper tied with a thin black cord。 He extend