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wers burning； flames breaking through the domes； Trollocs pillaging through the curving streets and vistas of the Inner City。 The Palace itself in flames。 Elayne； and Gawyn； and Morgase 。。。 dead。
〃Not yet；〃 Moiraine said absently。 She was still intent on Mat。 〃If we can find a way out of Caemlyn； the Halfmen will have no more interest here。 If。 So many if's。〃
〃Better we were all dead；〃 Perrin said suddenly； and Rand jumped at the echo of his own thoughts。 Perrin still sat staring at the floor … glaring at it now … and his voice was bitter。 〃Everywhere we go； we bring pain and suffering on our backs。 It would be better for everyone if we were dead。〃
Nynaeve rounded on him； her face half fury and half worried fear； but Moiraine forestalled her。
〃What do you think to gain； for yourself or anyone else； by dying？〃 the Aes Sedai asked。 Her voice was level； yet sharp。 〃If the Lord of the Grave has gained as much freedom to touch the Pattern as I fear； he can reach you dead more easily than alive； now。 Dead； you can help no one； not the people who have helped you； not your friends and family back in the Two Rivers。 The Shadow is falling over the world； and none of you can stop it dead。〃
Perrin raised his head to look at her； and Rand gave a start。 The irises of his friend's eyes were more yellow than brown。 With his shaggy hair and the intensity of his gaze； there was something about him。。。 Rand could not grasp it enough to make it out。
Perrin spoke with a soft flatness that gave his words more weight than if he had shouted。 〃We can't stop it alive； either； now can we？〃
〃I will have time to argue with you later；〃 Moiraine said； 〃but your friend needs me now。〃 She stepped aside so they could all see Mat clearly。 His eyes still on her with a rage…filled stare； he had not moved or changed his position on the bed。 Sweat stood out on his face； and his lips were bloodless in an unchanging snarl。 All of his strength seemed to be pouring into the effort to reach Moiraine with the dagger Lan held motionless。 〃Or had you forgotten？〃
Perrin gave an embarrassed shrug and spread his hands wordlessly。
〃What's wrong with him？〃 Egwene asked； and Nynaeve added； 〃Is it catching？ I can still treat him。 I don't seem to catch sick； no matter what it is。〃
〃Oh； it is catching；〃 Moiraine said； 〃and your。。。 protection would not save you。〃 She pointed to the ruby…hilted dagger； careful not to let her finger touch it。 The blade trembled as Mat strained to reach her with it。 〃This is from Shadar Logoth。 There is not a pebble of that city that is not tainted and dangerous to bring outside the walls； and this is far more than a pebble。 The evil that killed Shadar Logoth is in it； and in Mat； too； now。 Suspicion and hatred so strong that even those closest are seen as enemies； rooted so deep in the bone that eventually the only thought left is to kill。 By carrying the dagger beyond the walls of Shadar Logoth he freed it； this seed of it； from what bound it to that place。 It will have waxed and waned in him； what he is in the heart of him fighting what the contagion of Mashadar sought to make him； but now the battle inside him is almost done； and he almost defeated。 Soon； if it does not kill him first； he will spread that evil like a plague wherever he goes。 Just as one scratch from that blade is enough to infect and destroy； so； soon； a few minutes with Mat will be just as deadly。〃
Nynaeve's face had gone white。 〃Can you do anything？〃 she whispered。
〃I hope so。〃 Moiraine sighed。 〃For the sake of the world； I hope I am not too late。〃 Her hand delved into the pouch at her belt and came out with the silk…shrouded angreal 。 〃Leave me。 Stay together； and find somewhere you will not be seen； but leave me。 I will do what I can for him。〃
Chapter 42
Remembrance of Dreams
It was a subdued group that Rand led back down the stairs。 None of them wanted to talk to him now； or to one another。 He did not feel much like talking； either。
The sun was far enough across the sky to dim the back stairwell； but the lamps had not yet been lit。 Sunlight and shadow striped the stairs。 Perrin's face was as closed as the others； but where worry creased everyone else's brow； his was smooth。 Rand thought the look Perrin wore was resignation。 He wondered why； and wanted to ask； but whenever Perrin walked through a deeper patch of shadow； his eyes seemed to gather in what little light there was； glowing softly like polished amber。
Rand shivered and tried to concentrate on his surroundings； on the walnut paneled walls and the oak stair railing； on sturdy； everyday things He wiped his hands on his coat several times； but each time sweat sprang out on his palms anew。 It'll all be all right； now。 We're together again； and 。。。 Light； Mat。
He took them to the library by the back way that went by the kitchens； avoiding the mon room。 Not many travelers used the library； most of those who could read stayed at more elegant inns in the Inner City。 Master Gill kept it more for his own enjoyment than for the handful of patrons who wanted a book now and then。 Rand did not want to think why Moiraine wanted them to keep out of sight； but he kept remembering the Whitecloak under…officer saying he would be back； and Elaida's eyes when she asked where he was staying。 Those were reasons enough； whatever Moiraine wanted。
He took five steps into the library before he realized that everyone else had stopped； crowded together in the doorway； openmouthed and goggling。 A brisk blaze crackled in the fireplace； and Loial was sprawled on the long couch； reading； a small black cat with white feet curled and half asleep on his stomach。 When they entered he closed the book with a huge finger marking his place and gently set the cat on the floor； then stood to bow formally。
Rand was so used to the Ogier that it took him a minute to realize that Loial was the object of the others' stares。 〃These are the friends I was waiting for； Loial；〃 he said。 〃This is Nynaeve； the Wisdom of my village。 And Perrin。 And this is Egwene。〃
〃Ah； yes；〃 Loial boomed； 〃Egwene。 Rand has spoken of you a great deal。 Yes。 I am Loial。〃
〃He's an Ogier；〃 Rand explained； and watched their amazement change in kind。 Even after Trollocs and Fades in the flesh； it was still astonishing to meet a legend walking and breathing。 Remembering his own first reaction to Loial； he grinned ruefully。 They were doing better than he had。
Loial took their gaping in his stride。 Rand supposed he hardly noticed it pared with a mob shouting 〃Trolloc。〃
〃And the Aes Sedai； Rand？〃 Loial asked。
〃Upstairs with Mat。〃
The Ogier raised one bushy eyebrow thoughtfully。 〃Then he is ill。 I suggest we all be seated。 She will be joining us？ Yes。 Then there's nothing to do but wait。〃
The act of sitting seemed to loosen some catch inside the Emond's Field folk； as if being in a well…stuffed chair with a fire in the fireplace and a cat now curled up on the hearth made them feel at home。 As soon as they were settled they excitedly began asking the Ogier questions。 To Rand's surprise； Perrin was the first to speak。
〃The stedding； Loial。 Are they really havens； the way the stories say？〃 His voice was intent； as if he had a particular reason for asking。
Loial was glad to tell about the stedding； and how he came to be at The Queen's Blessing； and what he had seen in his travels。 Rand soon leaned back； only partly listening。 He had heard it all before； in detail。 Loial liked to talk； and talk at length when he had the slightest chance； though he usually seemed to think a story needed two or three hundred years of background to make it understood。 His sense of time was very strange； to him three hundred years seemed a reasonable length of time for a story or explanation to cover。 He always talked about leaving the stedding as if it were just a few months before； but it had finally e out that he had been gone more than three years。
Rand's thoughts drifted to Mat。 A dagger。 A bloody knife； and it might kill him just from carrying it。 Light； I don't want any more adventure。 If she can heal